Obviously, the topic is about my problem, academics to be specific.
Today, I was so depressed. I got low grades; well, a passing grade but still not satisfactory. It's not that low, you know. It's just that I feel like I didn't get what I was expecting.
To be honest, I was expecting a higher grade, higher than what I got today.
I always give my best shot, you know, but definitely not my all (I guess). But it always ends up in a grade which I believe isn't enough to hold my head up high; and I think it isn't fare.
You stay up late at night thinking what's the best design or architectural solution; talk to different architects, even to your co-students, to criticize your schematic plan; research about famous architects to know how they made a great floor plan or solution, et cetera, et cetera. I mean you do all that stuff but you're not getting the grade that you think you deserve. And that's what I feel today.
I'm pressured, honestly. And I really don't like this feeling. It's eating me, dude.
It's the optimism that keeps me going. But as the day passes by, I am getting frustrated about academics and I think optimism is just an escape from reality.
I always keep in mind that I am a scholar and a failing grade in one subject will mean no more footprints on the grounds of UST, no more footprints on the floors of Beato Angelico Building. That's my motivation. However, because of that thinking, I came up asking myself if being an architect ws really my 'calling'.
That's why I gave God a condition, i.e., I will give my best (actually, I'm already giving my best). But if I still fail, it will mean that God has a better plan for me.
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